However, when I went in to the local Sprint store and complained (after having talked with the online chat people and sent an email to tech support) - they shipped me a brand new phone.
Even better - the brand new phone is running Froyo! No more Gingerbread for me. I'll happily wait until they release the updated version. What's more, instead of blindly updating the second I see the update, I'll wait, read the forums and see what issues other people are experiencing before I update.
Anyway, I now have a fully functional phone. Hooray!